A Reimagining

Sometimes, Roald Dahl ain't dark enough.

(Warning: definitely not office-friendly.)

Way to Cave to the Hecklers, Boys

Playboy pulls out of Portugal (quiet in the back!) after publishing some infelicitous cover art.

Ichiro Punches Woman, Woman Way Into It

That's one way of headlining it, anyway. By the way, did none of the announcers notice that Ichiro totally copped a feel? "Fan-friendly" is right!

HT: TDW.

Passive-Aggressive Thought of the Day

It's amazing that, for as long as my blog has been up and running, I have not yet received a single comment on any of my posts. Maybe nothing I've written is good enough to deserve a comment. I guess that's the only conclusion to draw.

Oh well. (Sigh)

Mental Note

What with my discussions of the military and the French, and a few other things, I have decided that my blog has been entirely too gay of late. Time to butch things up a bit. Football's pretty damn straight, unlike other sports - I'll start there.

For Want of a Segue

...whole paragraphs have been lost. From the Wikipedia page for the French playwright Victorien Sardou:

In 1857, Sardou felt the pangs of actual want, and his misfortunes culminated in an attack of typhoid fever. He was living in poverty and was dying in his garret, surrounded with his rejected manuscripts. A lady who was living in the same house unexpectedly came to his assistance. Her name was Mlle de Brécourt. She had theatrical connections, and was a special favourite of Mlle Déjazet. She nursed him, cured him, and, when he was well again, introduced him to her friend. Déjazet had just established the theatre named after her. Every show after La Taverne was put on at this theatre. Then fortune began to smile on the author. Nine years after getting married to his first wife, she would pass away.

Emphasis mine. And for the record, that last sentence has a problem with pronoun/antecedent agreement. Did fortune herself die? Sloppy!

Gay SAT

After a brief hiatus from blogging, I'm back at it. And what better way to celebrate than with the introduction of a new recurring feature. Because I'm currently studying for the Illinois bar exam, I have tests on my mind, which probably explains why the new feature will be "Gay SAT." (Well, erm, half-explains it.)

That's right, I will periodically post questions that might appear on the SAT if it were run by the gays. (That, of course, is ridiculous, as the Freemasons currently have a lock on the test.)

The officially recognized SAT - or, as Carrie Prejean might call it, the "opposite" SAT - has 160 questions plus an essay. My goal with this feature is, over time, to create 160 questions, along with a sample essay question and response. That way, I'll have a complete test that can compete with the so-called "normal" SAT. I can start shopping it to states like Massachusetts or Iowa, or cities with gay ghettos for their high school students. Once they adopt it, I'll make a mint designing prep courses and stylish number two pencils and the like. And since no one reads this damn blog anyway, I needn't worry about the kids having the questions and answers in advance. It's brilliant!

So here we go with three questions, starting with that old SAT knockabout, the analogy. Maestro, please:

1) "Not liking showtunes" is to "moving violation" as "not going to the gym" is to:

a) Double homicide

b) Mountain

c) Lobster Thermidor

d) Plagiarism

__

2) The book Cosmos, by Carl Sagan, is about:

a) Space

b) Time

c) Both a and b

d) The best cocktail ever

__

3) Peter and Peter are planning their commitment ceremony. They have $500 between them to spend on the event. Peter spends $50 on a rabbi-priestess and $125 on fairly traded South African calla lilies. Meanwhile, Peter spends $75 on a handwoven llama hair baldacchin and $30 on a Tiffany watch (a gift for Peter). How much money do they have left over?

a) $180

b) $210

c) $175

d) Where do you get a Tiffany watch for $30?

Answers next week!