Gay SAT

After a brief hiatus from blogging, I'm back at it. And what better way to celebrate than with the introduction of a new recurring feature. Because I'm currently studying for the Illinois bar exam, I have tests on my mind, which probably explains why the new feature will be "Gay SAT." (Well, erm, half-explains it.)

That's right, I will periodically post questions that might appear on the SAT if it were run by the gays. (That, of course, is ridiculous, as the Freemasons currently have a lock on the test.)

The officially recognized SAT - or, as Carrie Prejean might call it, the "opposite" SAT - has 160 questions plus an essay. My goal with this feature is, over time, to create 160 questions, along with a sample essay question and response. That way, I'll have a complete test that can compete with the so-called "normal" SAT. I can start shopping it to states like Massachusetts or Iowa, or cities with gay ghettos for their high school students. Once they adopt it, I'll make a mint designing prep courses and stylish number two pencils and the like. And since no one reads this damn blog anyway, I needn't worry about the kids having the questions and answers in advance. It's brilliant!

So here we go with three questions, starting with that old SAT knockabout, the analogy. Maestro, please:

1) "Not liking showtunes" is to "moving violation" as "not going to the gym" is to:

a) Double homicide

b) Mountain

c) Lobster Thermidor

d) Plagiarism

__

2) The book Cosmos, by Carl Sagan, is about:

a) Space

b) Time

c) Both a and b

d) The best cocktail ever

__

3) Peter and Peter are planning their commitment ceremony. They have $500 between them to spend on the event. Peter spends $50 on a rabbi-priestess and $125 on fairly traded South African calla lilies. Meanwhile, Peter spends $75 on a handwoven llama hair baldacchin and $30 on a Tiffany watch (a gift for Peter). How much money do they have left over?

a) $180

b) $210

c) $175

d) Where do you get a Tiffany watch for $30?

Answers next week!